Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize