My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
