I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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