im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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