..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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