he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
