And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
