you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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