I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
