i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
