we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
