We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
