honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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