i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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