shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Send help, water and tortillas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
