there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
