im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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