I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
