I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
