This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
