i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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