Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
