I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
