now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
