My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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