If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
