In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
