Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
