The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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