I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
