would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
