Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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