You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
