What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
