i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
