i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
