I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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