hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
