yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In America we eat man semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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