I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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