i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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