He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
