hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
