You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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