Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
