Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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