hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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