Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
