And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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