Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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