i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
