GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
