I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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