God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
