I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
