I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
