I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
