dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
