ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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