There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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