I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
