Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
