I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
