Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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  (202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (1962)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What did we do last night that was yellow?

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  (860): What did we do last night that was yellow? http://tfl.nu/a1qq
  Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (1926)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

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  (828): God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you. http://tfl.nu/4g7v
  Replies (25) Good night (3498) Bad night (945)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (631) Bad night (4119)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

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  (630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/c6lg
  Replies (17) Good night (1612) Bad night (4399)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?

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  (256): Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it? http://tfl.nu/m23f
  Replies (31) Good night (5816) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  They were actually really boring considering how we met them.

  (1-845): View more from New York

  howd you meet them?

  (845): View more from New York

  They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.

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  (845): They were actually really boring considering how we met them. (1-845): howd you meet them? (845): They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs. http://tfl.nu/zyna
  Replies (18) Good night (4518) Bad night (912)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.

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  (902): He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone. http://tfl.nu/e24h
  Replies (9) Good night (2065) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.

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  (812): You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do. http://tfl.nu/dz7m
  Replies (17) Good night (827) Bad night (2414)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?

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  (918): Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo? http://tfl.nu/ep0z
  Replies (22) Good night (1963) Bad night (467)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.

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  (801): An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts. http://tfl.nu/r3r6
  Replies (5) Good night (483) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.

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  (901): Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood? (1-901): Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine. http://tfl.nu/uq9s
  Replies (3) Good night (1752) Bad night (469)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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  (603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco
  Replies (3) Good night (456) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!

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  (607): Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?! http://tfl.nu/6znz
  Replies (5) Good night (768) Bad night (363)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.

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  (469): His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat. http://tfl.nu/3isl
  Replies (5) Good night (288) Bad night (510)

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