I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
