hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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