someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
