I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We need a shit load of segways right now
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
