it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
